Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Written Word - So Many Ways To Interpret - Come As You Are, Let Your Light Shine

Hello Aspierations Friends,

It came to my attention today that my intent in Wednesday's blog may have been unclear or came across in a light with flickering batteries.  I did a little venting on a break from work with some therapeutic blog release to my Aspierations friends and then I ended positively and went back to work.  I have since edited that blog to try and clear up any misconceptions.  If you still have questions, just let me know!

I had a very good hearted person who was very well-meaning write with concern about how I was portraying my unconventional yet loving Aspie / Neurotypical relationship with my husband on my blog to the world.

This person was worried that I had hurt John's feelings and had humiliated him. YIKES! If she thought this, what did others think?  Did I come across as a mean person?  Did I do something inappropriate socially?  Is it possible that even though I took extra special care to compliment my husband, say he was my partner and imply he was an integral an equal member of our marriage, that my words took a left turn into tangentville and completely missed the boat?

Yikes! Zoinks and insert exclamation here!  John reads all my blogs and if there is ever anything in them that would remotely hurt his feelings, he would tell me and I would either delete or edit.  I love this man bunches, folks!  We just celebrated 18 years of marriage.  He is the father of my children.  If you've been following my blog over the past week, you probably came across my talks about romance, mini dates and hymns of praise to all that John does for me and our family.  He is an excellent father and the fact that he has stayed with me for 18 years says a lot about his character!  :-)

I realized when I started Aspierations that it might be controversial because I would talk about serious stuff. (i.e. adoption, autism, Aspergers, rape, sensory issues, daily challenges in family, marriage, work, finances, medical care, advocacy, etc).   I would also talk about motivational concepts, fun goofy stuff, family lifestyle and mix in blogs about parenting, spirituality, motivational and whatever struck me at the moment.  Going for your dreams, reassessing life priorities, checking off things on the bucket list, chasing the lion, thinking outside the box, not settling for status quo, prioritizing your family, empowering your children and marriage and taking time also to take care of yourself.

I realized that when I outed myself to family and friends as being both an adult woman on the autism spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome and the parent to two amazing kiddos who are traveling with me too, family and friendship dynamics might change.  I knew many would not understand.  Some would try.  Some would try harder than others.  Some would disappear off the face of the earth.

The thing is, if I wasn't able to be myself, then how quality were those dynamics anyway?  How genuine was the relationship?  I didn't want to hide the essence of who I was any longer.  I had been hiding so much, wearing a mask for so much of my life without really understanding why.  I grew up trying to adapt to others, and trying to understand societal norms. Being an undiagnosed Aspie female on the autism spectrum, I always just thought I was a puzzle piece that didn't fit, a 32nd Baskin Robbins flavor or that perhaps, I simply came from another planet or another point in time!  :-)

I realize the written and spoken word is prone to many different interpretations and that when we read or hear something and try to process it, we are analyzing and looking at it from our own unique perspective and the culmination of our own life's experiences.  Each of us will have a different perspective and even though our conclusions about reading or hearing something may be similar, we're going to come at it from completely different angles and life paths.

I realize that my words, sentences and blog postings can and will be taken many ways. Some people will find me quirky and funny in a charming way, some will find me strangely odd and decidedly unfunny.  I often use humor and sarcasm to add levity to a situation.  I realize that many people don't get my humor and they may not get my serious talk either.  That's okay.  We're all different.  We're all human.  I'm not better than you.  You're not better than me.  We're just looking at things from different planes of existence.  You only know of me what you read here and are interpreting or if you have met in person, what conversations or experiences we might have shared together, assuming those conversations were of substance and not just superficial niceties which seem to be so prevalent (and so confusing to me... other than ice-breaking and being polite, what's the point?)

I want to make my intentions clear and I don't know if I'll succeed but I'll give it a whirl.  My Aspierations Blog is about two key concepts.

The first concept is "Come As You Are" -- great day, awful day, top of the world day, tear out your hair day, feeling successful, having just failed again, feeling emotional, feeling spiritual, feeling like you could use a good primal scream.  Accept unconditionally.  Love unconditionally.  It's very difficult but I aspire to it.  It would not be me if I just blogged on my happy days.  It would do a disservice if my relationship was always hunky dory and it would do a disservice if it was just complaining.  Communication is so essential to understanding one another.  The main thing to me if you're here is that you truly "Come As You Are"... and if you are a visitor here, you are welcome no matter who you are, your background, your mood, the kind of day you've had, your education, your life experience, etc.

The second concept is about "Let Your Light Shine" or Letting Your Light Shine.   When you see me type that I am encouraging for you and those you love to be who you are, where you are and be the best you that you can be. Accept yourself, love yourself, realize you're flawed and that it is your adversities in life which provide opportunity and help give you strength to shine a brighter light.  Although your candle will flicker at times, don't let it go out.  Let your light shine for yourself, those you care about and for the world.  Use the gifts God gave you to make a difference in making this world a better place.  Love your family and friends by empowering them to follow their dreams and goals.  Don't stifle or settle, censor or smother.  Believe you are meant for amazing things.  We all have inner greatness.

It is often hard to "Let Your Light Shine" when you are in a challenging situation.  But that is when it is okay to submit and say that it's okay to be who you are, feeling what you do.  If you don't Come As YOU are, but you come as someone else (who you think others want you to be), you are not being true to yourself or genuine and you will not be able to let your light shine as brightly as you would if you allowed yourself to be more free.

Hmmm......  :-)

I would like to put it out there for my Aspierations blog visitors that if you ever have a question about how something I write is intended that you just ask and I will do my best to explain myself.  I have very good intentions and Aspierations with this blog and our opinions may differ.  I do hope that I helped clear up any miscommunication or confusion.  The last thing I want you guys and gals out there to think is that I do not have the best intentions of my family in mind as well.  I love John, Justin and Ryan with all my heart.  They are my inspiration.  They are a large reason of why I work so hard and why I try each day to create a better life for them and myself.

Thanks for reading!  If you have any questions, feel free to ask here on the blog!  You may have a question or comment that others do too and I'm not afraid to address anything in a public forum.  I just ask that you show me respect and I will do the same for you!  :-)  I look forward to blogging for you again soon and hope that many of you out there would still like to be considered my Aspierations blog friends!

Come As You Are -- for you are welcome here!
Let Your Light Shine -- I want the best for you!

Karen

3 comments:

  1. Hello Ms. Krejcha. I am not one to comment on these blogs but your words hit home. I feel kinship in your pain and confusion in trying to please the whole world when you already feel awkward and hidden. I wish I had your bravery in opening up as you do. I also have Aspergers and even other Aspergers people have trouble understanding me. I related to your computer interface reference you made. You should not give up the translation attempts.

    Much of the media news about autism is about children or a cure but those children grow into adults. People need to understand other adults with autism or Aspergers too for soon there will be more spectrum adults than ever before. We are your sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, coworkers, teachers, students.

    Stay brave. Keep being you. We may not always speak up to defend you but we are silently here behind you hoping you will succeed in your quest to provide greater understanding.

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  2. I come to your blog regularly and you are never out of line, hon. You are an inspiration and your openness in talking about such a misunderstood and complex disorder, especially when it comes to women is a breath of fresh air. I can tell you try really very hard to please people and not hurt feelings. You are trying to fit very hard into a situation where you will not be able to please everyone. If those people are family then it is really tough because you cannot get away from it as easily as if it were just some anonymous commenteer. Live your life, hon. Listen to your God. Trust yourself. It got you this far through some major obstacles. If family won't jump on board then it is their loss. Do not change to appease them. Be you. HUGS!

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  3. Dear Chris & Shelley,

    Thank you so very much for sharing your opinions and words of support. Both of you made me feel a whole lot better and I appreciate knowing that you visit my blog.

    @Chris: I agree with you very much that so much of what we read and hear about in the mainstream in regards to Autism / Asperger's Syndrome is related to children and teens.

    That is important and has its place but kids grow into adults. If there is a genetic link or predisposition (and in my family that appears to be the case), then as more kids are diagnosed, their parents are going to perhaps be looking in the mirror and family tree as well. It is important to raise awareness for all members of the autism spectrum and to show the diversities and similarities.

    @ Shelley - From what I've seen, read about online and experienced personally, there is a very big difference between females and males on the spectrum. There are a lot of really good websites that advocate for women. I like the Autism Women's Network although you may already be familiar.

    If anyone else wants to comment, please know your opinions are welcome. I encourage serious and funny, constructive critique and for the visitor out there who said at one point I was "HOT" and funny, thanks for that as well! :-) I'll take it!

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